#Blog, #MakingTimeForMe, Ways of Thinking

Ten Minutes: Grace in the Waiting

For months I have been thinking on something.  Patiently praying and living while I wait.  Trusting in God that he has a plan.  That he is going to let me know exactly when and how it is meant to happen.

Another another note, sometime around Thanksgiving I started seriously thinking about getting a second dog.  We have an almost 6 year old Great Dane.  I looked and looked in the weeks approaching Christmas and didn’t see anything that really called out to me.  So, I dropped it for quite awhile.

Then last weekend while I was on the couch with my oldest stepson and my husband, I brought it up to the both of them.  This is what happened just 6 days later…


We rescued a beautiful Blue Pit that is just 6 weeks old.  I have wanted to make a loving home for a pit bull for years.  I hate how people treat them and more than that, I hate how they are perceived.  My husband said that we couldn’t get an older pit.  With 6 kids that wouldn’t be very responsible of us, not knowing the background and history with this aggressive breed.

My wonderful husband does believe in Nurture over Nature though and said if we could find a Pit pup, then we could have one.  Well, out of nowhere on Thursday night he just kept talking about puppies, even filled out an application for adoption at the local humane society.  Then yesterday while at work Paul was talking to some co-workers and found out that one co-worker had a couple of pups left from a litter that she wasn’t able to continue caring for, they would have ended up in the pound. It was a sign.  He sent me pics and answered all of my questions.  Then we went and got her last night, just like that.

I have this beautiful little 6 week old blue pit puppy, we named her Sky.  It is a sign.  A sign in my waiting, I know that it is.  I even told my husband, Sky is even more of a reason for XYZ (said thing that I am waiting and praying on).

Anyway, Happy St. Patty’s Day all.  I hope that everyone has a wonderful day ❤  God Bless and Be Safe.

#alltheyeses, 2018 Blog Posts, Ways of Thinking

Ten Minutes: My Favorite Day

Every other Thursday I have a playgroup for work at a local library. Typically I am working from home the rest of the day. The Thursdays I have the playgroup also happen to be the day before pay day.

Well earlier in 2018, I stopped in Tim Hortons on my way to the playgroup. Still had money in the bank even though it has been 13 days since payday. This was a relatively new thing for our household.

I decided to treat myself to a Diet Pepsi. When I got up to the window to pay, I found myself saying “can I pay for the person behind me?

Now, every other Thursday when I drive to this playgroup, I stop at that Tim Hortons. I pay for the person behind me.

It has become one of my very favorite things. I look forward to it.

Pay it forward or Behind you, you know however you want to look at it.

#Blog, #MakingTimeForMe, Ways of Thinking

Ten Minute: See How It Changes

The charge in my devotional today is to do something.  Make a small decision, an e-mail, a meal or a conversation.  One little thing and see how it changes your life.

I mean that sounds pretty intense right?  How many people make a million little decisions every single day and then don’t ever reflect back on how those decisions changed their life.  It may not be noticeable right away, but after days, weeks or months of making that same small decision, you have made a change.

One of the examples in the devotion was making the decision to go to the gym.  For me, I actually made the exact opposite decision a few months ago.  I quit the gym.  Instead of spending the membership amount every single month, feeling like I had to get out of bed at 4am to go, I made a change for myself.  I had been a member for nearly 3 years, some weeks I went every single day and others I didn’t go at all.

I was stressing myself out about it though.  Feeling like I had to go to stay in shape.  Then I realized, why?  Why am I doing this to myself if it isn’t fun anymore?  So, I do yoga on my bedroom floor instead.  I wait until after my husband has left for work and I do it in the comfort of my own home.  I don’t set an earlier alarm, I spend that extra hour or so in bed.  Then when I wake up, I have time to cuddle with my husband.

I am taking care of myself in a different way by making this choice.  Allowing myself more rest and more minutes in the day to be with my husband.  My priorities had shifted and I made time for something that was more important in my life.

Now, today what will I do.  What will I do differently?  That might be something little today, but could make a change in my life tomorrow or somewhere down the road?  The answer to that is, I don’t know.  However, now that it is in my mind, I know that I will do something.

Actually, I just thought of a little something that I can do.  Let’s see how it works.  Though, I bet I can come up with a few other things to do throughout the day as well.

Happy Hump Day to You ❤ ❤

**Update from original post: It just occurred to me that today is National Walk Out day.  To any and all students that feel deep inside of them that this is the right thing to do, know that my heart and mind are with you.  My prayers are upon you.**

“Do all the good you can.  By all the means you can.  In all the ways you can.  In all the places you can.  At all the times you can.  To all the people you can.  As long as ever you can.” – John Wesley

#Blog, #MakingTimeForMe, Ways of Thinking

Ten Minutes: Change Always Happens

Change always happens, this was the topic of my devotion reading today.  Yes, Yes I know change always happens.  Am I good at it?  Umm…that would be a no!  Am I getting slightly better at it, yes, but it seems to be at a snails pace.

Change to me is like domino’s.  One thing changes and then another and then another.  If you have things planned, then one thing falling apart typically changes a slew of other things.  Or at least it seems to in my head.  When my husband tells me that something is going to change, I just picture the million of other things that may change as a result.  Even though we don’t know that yet.

Honestly, I don’t remember this stuff bothering me THIS much 8 years ago.  I have been to therapy to discuss this topic right here.  Change, why can’t I handle it?  I was diagnosed with “adjustment disorder” due to post traumatic stress from my divorce and how the way that marriage ended.

One day I was married and the next I was not.  I didn’t have the time to adjust to the change, it just got slammed against a brick wall and had to move on.  From that moment on it is safe to say that I freak out whenever any slight change has to be made.  Working really hard to think it through in my head and take a few breaths are my strategy now when change comes up.  Before I freak out on my husband, yes he is the one who normally gets to hear the freak outs, even though he isn’t always the one responsible for the change itself.

This brings me to when I have to change things in my own life.  I don’t like to change them very often.  Due to circumstances beyond my control I moved 4 times in 7 years (ugh) but now I just assume stay put in my gorgeous home until we are ready to retire.  Jobs, I don’t like making the shift into the unknown.  When I left my old job in 2014, to my current job, I cried and cried for days.  Even if on paper everything looks like it is going to be better, you never know until you settle yourself in.

When change happens and the adrenaline kicks in, I am usually amazing.  Like this morning I woke up to go to the bathroom. I looked at the clock 6:41, my husband’s alarm is supposed to go off at 5:35.  I said “honey, it is 6:41”, well the hubs had left his cell phone in his robe last night.  He didn’t plug it in, so it was dead and his alarm didn’t go off.  We both hopped right out of bed, even though we usually snuggle for a few.  I ran downstairs to make the pot of coffee and his lunch, he got right out of bed and started getting ready.  He was out the door in 15 minutes with a fresh cup of coffee and his lunch.  Then I rewound and came back to bed to do my devotion and write, something I usually do while he is in the shower. I know that it is a small example, but honestly most of the change that happens in my life is closer to this example than to the chaos I envision!

The final question of the devotion was what changes are going on in your life lately?  How is God using these changes to shape you?

The answer is I don’t know.  Though as if I knew these questions were coming, I talked to God about this very topic last night as I was falling asleep.  God I feel like you are trying to tell me something and I’m just not seeing the path well enough.  Please help me to follow you, even if I don’t understand.  I pray that you let me know what I am supposed to be learning, what you have envisioned for me and give me a sign that I am doing what you have planned for me.

Thanks be to God ❤ ❤

#Blog, #MakingTimeForMe, Ways of Thinking

Ten Minutes: Breaking Up With Friends

I wrote about this 2 1/2 years ago.  So, I will post that post right here for you: Losing Friends Because of Life

Losing that group of friends was seriously one of the hardest things I have ever been through in my entire life.  Even though, now nearly 6 years later I know that everything happens for a reason, it still really hurts my heart.

About 12 years ago, I ended a relationship with a friend.  I friend that had literally sucked the life out of me, she was the worst mooch ever.  At first my best friend and I just chalked it up to her being younger.  We had already graduated college and she was still in it.  Whenever she came home for the weekend, she would crash at our place.  She would eat all of our food, monopolize our time and energy with whatever she wanted to do.  We would go out to eat or for drinks at the bar and she would NEVER have money.

When I say she would eat all of our food I mean, we’d have a sleeve of 6 bagels, over the course of the weekend she would eat all of them!!  There was no please, no thank you, just take take take.  It was our fault really, we hadn’t created boundaries that were good enough.

She graduated college and moved back home in the fall of 2005.  About 5 months later, I called her and I said “I need a break” and she was like “what?”  I told her that I just couldn’t be in this friendship the way that it was anymore.  My best friend was so relieved, she isn’t as forward as me.  But knew that me ending my friendship with her, meant that she wouldn’t have to see the other friend anymore either.

It was hard and I missed her.  I have run into her 1 time since then and it didn’t make me regret my decision at all.  I sincerely hope that she is leading a wonderful life, but walking away from her and that friendship was certainly the right decision for me at the time.  When I can look at it from that point of view, then I can see that my group of friends who “unfriended” me back in 2012, must have thought they were making the right decision.

I am losing a friend right now, I can feel it.  It isn’t hard or easy.  This time around I just know that God is doing what is supposed to be done.  Maybe we are meant to split and not be in each others’ lives anymore.  Perhaps, we have to just drift for a minute now and we will come back together in the future.  Whatever it is, there is a reason for it that at some point I will notice.

God Bless and Happy Sunday!

#Blog, #MakingTimeForMe, Ways of Thinking

Ten Minutes: Your Words Matter

Who in your life could use some words of encouraging right now?

I have someone who is very dear to me going through something that isn’t easy.  When you know it is right, it isn’t easy.  Even if you know that it is for the best, it isn’t easy.  You can know in your heart of hearts that it is what needs to be done and still, it isn’t easy.

I check in on her as often as I can.  Mostly in text messages and Facebook messages.  Sometimes with phone calls.  I am constantly thinking of her, but I couldn’t possibly reach out as often as I’m thinking of her or it would surely overwhelm her.

How is she feeling?  Is she being honest with me when she tells me that she is OK?  As the days and weeks go on is she still sure that the right choice has been made?  I don’t know.

I went through the same thing about 7 years ago.  It was the worst time of my life.  Honestly, I didn’t know what I was doing.  I didn’t have anyone who had gone through it before in my family or friends who I could turn to and ask all the important questions.  Share my confusion and feelings with.  To ask, is this push/pull normal?  It certainly doesn’t feel normal.

Highest of highs and lowest of lows.  Are you doing just fine or are you one step away from losing your mind?  Probably both.  The lines blur and everything gets very unclear.  Is it easier to go backward or should you just keep pressing forward?

I found my way to a church support group and thank God I did.  In my hardest time I found myself talking to God and connecting with him again.  In a way that I had lost over the previous years.  Wonderful advice for that stage of my life, as well as for the rest of my life was given to me in that group.

Here is what I want to share and what I want to leave my loved one with “You can’t compare your private life to another persons public life.”  What is happening in your heart and in your home, the tears you are crying and the feelings you are feeling, those are yours.  Own them.  Just because there are smiles and joy when out in public, we have no idea what is happening behind closed doors.  We can never know, will never know and honestly, it is none of our business.

You got this!!  However it needs to be for you, whatever it looks like for you.  You got this!!  Stand up for yourself, take care of yourself and worry only about yourself!

When you read this and I know that you will, because you do that, know that I love you.  I don’t envy the spot that you are in right now, but I have been there and I am here for you.  I will be pretty much the most annoying thing that has happened to you for the rest of your life.  ❤ ❤ ❤

#Blog, #MakingTimeForMe, Ways of Thinking

Ten Minutes: My Online Life

My devotion today asked about my “online life”.

“We are to be a light wherever we go, even online.”  I truly believe this.  Even when I write things that might be hard for people to read or hear, I try to just do it from a place of understanding in a way that might be helpful to someone.  Not just a place of complaint and anger.

I am nearly half way through this 100 day devotional.  I try to remember to read it everyday, but some days I forget.  You know what?  That is OK.  I must skip it just enough for me to read the right page on days like today.

Social Media can really bog me down.  I have a hard time deciding if I should rip myself a way from it all together or just be more purposeful and intentional with my use of it.  I follow a page on Facebook that is All about my city.  There is a gentlemen in my city who offers to do winter snow work for the elderly, for free.  He is pretty incredible.  Well, this man has encouraged other people, mainly men who have some kind of landscaping or home repair company to offer the same things to elderly and vets.

I mean is that just amazing?  One of the men who has offered up some spring cleaning services wrote a really long post yesterday that really hit me.  I am going to paraphrase, but he basically was telling people to wait just a minute before they post anything on social media.  To really think before they hit that send button.  Does what they are posting help anyone?  Is it thoughtful, true and honest?  Or after stopping to think for just a minute would they delete the post completely?

There is still good in this world.  My city’s Facebook group proves it.  It does also prove that people like to throw people under the bus and whine and complain about everything and nothing at the same time.  Be the change, go out and do things, implement whatever it is you might like to see in the world.

I am a huge believer of putting into this universe what you would like to get out of it.  Keep putting it in there, it is going to pay you back in dividends some day, probably when you lease expect it.  If you are at all like me and the idea of a Devotional sounds encouraging and lovely to you, I recommend 100 Days to Brave.  It has been everything that I have needed it to be in 2018.

Bless you and Happy Friday.

#Blog, #MakingTimeForMe, Health, Ways of Thinking

Ten Minutes: My Grey Hairs

Happy International Women’s Day!!

I am 37 years old.  I have just over 5 months before I turn 38.

I have some grey hair, I couldn’t even begin to estimate how much of my hair (I have a lot) has already turned grey, I would venture to guess somewhere about 25%.

There aren’t many people my age, just 1 or 2 I can think of off the top of my head who don’t dye their hair and just accept the fact that they have grey hair.

I have always been one of those people that thought, I will not worry when my hair turns grey.  I will just let it turn, I won’t be spending extra time and money to cover the greys.

Well it was shortly after I got re-married that I noticed the patches of grey coming in.  At first, I would pull one or two.  But then one or two, turned into hundreds.  That was when I realized, these grey hairs are my story.

My story of love and loss, my story of joy and pain.  Each grey hair respresents a moment in time, an experience that I went through.  Moments that I am not embarrassed by, or afraid to show.

Maybe I got my grey hairs earlier than most people, or maybe I just got more all at once.  I am proud to say that I still have zero plan to cover them.  They are part of my story, they show my story, the story of a woman who is an open book!!

❤ ❤ ❤

#Blog, #MakingTimeForMe, Ways of Thinking

My Church

My Devotion from 100 Day to Brave was about church this morning.  Not just any church, but my church “your church”.

I have been going to the same church nearly my whole life.  When I was really little my parents followed a minister that they really liked to his new church for a few years.  Then when I was a junior in high school we moved across the state and my family found a new church home.  Even through my junior and senior year though, I continued to go to church, church camp and mission trips with my church here.

As soon as I graduated from college, I found myself back at this church.  Pretty regularly, I transferred my membership back officially from my church on the west side.  I became a youth group leader and was in charge of one of the yearly mission projects.

My two very best friends ever are from my church.  I have held 2 jobs at my church, they were my foundation through my divorce and it has been my second home for my entire life.  I feel comfort there, whether surrounded by people or all by myself at 7am or at Midnight, I feel at peace when I am at Newburg United Methodist Church.

Many great mentors have come into my life from church.  Some of them ministers, youth group leaders, lay people and some of them the kids that I was raised there with.  Quite a few have gone to become clergy themselves or do other great work for the conference.  Many of them are still activity involved in missions, in fundraising or volunteering.  There are also quite a few of us who are still actively attending, bringing our children there to carry on the tradition of friendship and fellowship.

At the end of my devotion is says Be Brave: This Sunday, go to church.  Well, I will be going to church this Sunday.  In fact, I will be there tonight as well.  My kids and I go on Wednesday evening for dinner, bible study and discussion, plus the kids have choir practice.  On Sunday my youngest two will sign in the choir in front of the congregation, I will listen to my minster preach and sing hymns just as I have been for 37 years.

The devotion also says “If you’ve been hurt, go back anyway”  “What happens when you stay in a church even when you are hurt or it seems hard.  “That’s when you grow up.”  When I was 23 I made a bad choice and stepped away from my church home.  I was humiliated, embarrassed and couldn’t imagine ever showing my face there again.  About a year and a half later I woke up one January morning and I went back to that church.

I accepted my sins, apologized to God and thanked him for inviting me back and welcoming me with open arms.  He showed me that he forgave me, when all of the congregation was so happy to see me, giving me hugs and kisses and asking how my life had been, no one ever mentioning what had happened.

My church is my church.  It is the right spot for me.  It has seen the good and the bad.  I was baptized there and so were 3 of my children.  Paul and I got married in that church.  They were there to help me rise after I had fallen.  That building and the people in it are my home away from home.

Thanks Be to God!

#Blog, #MakingTimeForMe, Marriage, Ways of Thinking

Ten Minutes: Dating and Marriage

My Devotion today was about dating and marriage!  Man oh man, was I happy to read this today.

Trust GOD from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own.  Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go, he’s the one who will keep you on track.  -Proverbs 3: 5-6

Last night Paul and I watched the Season 2 finale of Divorce on HBO.  We both find comfort in the show, after all we have both been there.  Plus I love SJP!  Anyway, the ex-husband played by Thomas Haden Church said something in last night’s episode that I try to convey to anyone when they question how Paul and I got married so quickly.  He said my marriage lasted for so long, but look how that turned out?

Now, I wasn’t married for very long the first time.  About 4 years when all was said and done.  However, we had known each other for 25 years.  Paul and I, well we knew each other for 6 weeks before we got married and 5 1/2 months by the time that we got married.  I wasn’t willing to waste time.  You don’t know what your future is going to hold, so you have to do what feels right and what makes sense for everyone now.  Work hard and pray that it continues on for years and years.

Yesterday at work a co-worker and I were talking about the fact that an ex of hers is getting married in a couple of weeks.  I think that she is having a bit of a tough time with a “why wasn’t it me?”  Though when we talked about it a bit and navigated the relationship, I think that it was completely obvious to her why it wasn’t a good forever.  That doesn’t help anything when you don’t have the significant other in your life.  The constant “why am I alone?”  Or when we break up, “what did I do, what was it about me?”  These questions will eat you alive.

Another very important person in my life is going through a divorce.  The push and pull of that situation is one that I don’t envy.  Though, I have been there, I have gone through it.  All the hows, whens, wheres and whys.  We ask ourselves questions constantly.  Even if the relationship is something that we no longer want, we can’t stand to see them acting fine and moving through their lives.  If they are still holding on too much, then we get super irritated with that too.  What is the right answer?  Where is the line?  As we make our way through it, it is impossible to know.  You are navigate these rough waters with the one person that you have loved most in the whole world, I mean it is torture.

What I do know and was one of the main points of my devotion this morning is “put yourself out there”.  Go out and enjoy your life.  Single?  Then go out on dates, even if you can’t imagine them going anywhere, you may never know.  Enjoy having a nice dinner and conversation with another grown up.  Married?  Then still go out on dates, with your spouse of course.  Sometimes we forget to date our spouse and we really truly need to.  When life gets complicated, jobs get tough and the kids are on our last nerve, your spouse will be there to comfort you, to pick you up and help you dust off.  Make sure to nurture that relationship as often as you can.

Happy Tuesday Everyone!