My life has been a ball of emotions lately. My husband has been coming home from work, looked at my face and knows that I have A LOT to say. I usually say A lot, but it is usually just a lot of words, not necesaarily a lot of meaning.
I have a shit ton of things happening in my life. Balls I am constantly juggling and I think that I do a damn good job. So, why do I get so caught up in you? My husband sits on the couch with me as I tell him that I am feeling beat up, I am feeling like none of the choices that I have are good ones and crying on his shoulder because I feel like I don’t have control.
I am not a crier, I am a talker. In the last week I have cried in front of two friends, my husband and while on the phone with two other friends. All I ever want in this life is to do the right thing. Make the choice that I can live with, sleep with and feel good about. Well this morning while working out, I realized that I can’t decide what is right and wrong for you, only me.
After having a very emotional conversation with two different important people in my life and sobbing I knew that I just needed to make the choice to not let these people and their actions effect me. I need to stay here, so that if and when they need me, they know I am here. In the meantime, just mind my own business.
Up until a couple of weeks ago, I was just going about my life thinking everything was good. I have had a terrible nauseous feeling for over a week now. It doesn’t get better with eating, not eating, sleeping or working out. There has just been this pit and I think it’s because of all this stress I am holding on to for other people.
I can’t decide what is right for you, what choices make sense for you or how you should be acting in any given situation. What I can control is how I act, what I say and what I do. When you decide that you want me, I will be right here. In the mean time, I will worry about me and let you worry about you.