I didn’t have a very good night last night. Lots of thoughts racing through my head, lots of deep breaths and some cigarettes smoked (which I was REALLY trying to quit). My stomach was upset, I couldn’t eat dinner and I am not sure that I ever fell asleep. Between my thoughts and the bad storms, I know I looked at the clock multiple times every hour.
Today is a long day for me at work, 12 hrs long. Start of our summer camp program, paperwork and meetings, then a training to end the day. All I really want to do is lay in bed, with my husband, get all the thoughts and tears out and hear him tell me “it’s all going to be ok.”
My husband likes to say that I talk too much. That I say so many words he couldn’t possibly remember them all. If he thinks I talk to much, I can’t even imagine what he would say if he could hear all of my thoughts LOL. So many thoughts, ALL THE TIME. I filter what comes out and probably only say about a tenth of what I think, if that. Yet, it is still probably ten times more then he ever says. LOL. This is a man/woman thing right, not just a me and Paul thing?
I over think everything, will take every opportunity to analyze any situation, but at the end of the day I just want people to care about what’s going on with me as much as I care about what’s going on with them. Unanswered texts, unanswered questions, misunderstood thoughts, apologies with contingencies can all really beat you down.
When will they start asking about me, my day, my feelings and my over all health and well being. I completely understand that most people are not going to care in the same way that I do and perhaps not even to the full extent that I would like for them to. Though, if you want me to keep inquiring about you, it would be nice if you also inquired about me. Other people feel this way too, right?
So, needless to say with all this on my mind, I didn’t go to the gym this morning. I am exhausted and have 14 hrs ahead of me. All I can hope is that the when my son wakes up I’ll get a that hug that turns it all around. That the kids at summer camp will make me forget I didn’t sleep and that when I get home tonight I am greeted with a smile and a kiss from my husband that has healing powers beyond measure. Here’s to sleeping better tonight!
Just one of those days