After months of working with my friend to transfer her race registration over to me, today it’s official. On October 18th, I will be running my first half marathon in 5 1/2 years. It has taken my heart, mind and body a lot to get back to this place.
For years I let the skeletons of half marathons past stop me from training again. I carry some emotional baggage tied to those races. Baggage that only a few people really knew about, until now. I ran my only two half marathons during my previous marriage. 10 months before, then 4 months before my marriage ended.
I asked myself many times, if the dedication I had to my running, my training took away from my marriage. If it was this new found interest that I had, that made my marriage unravel. The day that I ran my first half marathon, was the day that my ex met his current wife. Skeletons.
These are the kinds of things that my brain thinks about, over and over again. So, naturally because in my head there is a link between my running and my divorce, why would I choose to start training again in this marriage? How could I choose to do this, knowing how it might end?
As I write this out, I realize how ridiculous it sounds. Anyway, there are a lot of things different about my training that starts today and what was 6 years ago. Paul encourages me to run, he encourages me to take time for myself. When I say things like “do you think I can do it?” He says, “of course you can.” This includes broaching the subject of training for an Iron Man. He always says, if you are ready for it and you register for it, I will be there. How can you be afraid to run, when your husband supports you like that?
The truth is, I used to run because I was unhappy. Unhappy with the way that I looked, unhappy with my life and running was the one thing that was just for me. Now, I run because I am happy. I am happy with myself, my body, my life and running helps to encourage that life.
This past Christmas Paul bought me an extremely thoughtful gift. A pair of very bright running shoes. The first new pair of running shoes I have got since my divorce. They symbolize him supporting me and I will wear them as I train. Then, I will run my race in them. On October 18, I will run my first half marathon in 5 1/2 years….hopefully the first of many yet to come,