My homework, we talked about my homework for most of this session. The sheet is called confrontation letter guidelines. On this sheet there are four statements. Statements that were supposed to navigate a conversation with Matt. I would not actually be reading this letter out loud to him, but rather be using it to focus in on things for therapy.
Well, the first statement is…this is what I remember. Well, instead of rehashing the whole cheating thing, I decided to focus in on our present communication. You see, Matt has a way of not wanting to communicate like an adult. He refuses to have face to face conversation with me and he fumbles like an idiot on the phone. So, his way of communicating with me is via text. For ANY and ALL things, no matter how big, how small or how personal.
So, I brought up the three times that this really affected me, two of them being just a couple of months ago. The irony is it is ALWAYS on a vacation/holiday/birthday that he goes off on some ridiculous rant via text. Like he is going out of his way to ruin my day. He did it this year on my birthday, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Something that was completely unnecessary and not time sensitive at all. Then the next time, Pauls birthday. I tell you, it’s an art.
I don’t like to communicate big things over text. Maybe, “on our way” or “what do you want for dinner?” Anything where context and tone of voice matter, I want to talk on the phone or in person. My feelings are that Matt communicates via text, because then he can “plan” exactly what he wants to say, gets it all typed out in a ridiculously long message and then forgets all about it.
Next statement, this is how I felt then…..well how I felt is manipulated and enraged. It is unfair and most of the time straight up ridiculous. There are normally so many lies laced in his words that I can’t even handle it. Then I end up feeling hurt, frustrated and because he won’t communicate, I don’t get to work through those feelings. I feel like it is purposeful, always looking to ruin a day and a time when I have something going on.
This is how I feel now….I am not engaging in this childish behavior anymore. If you text me about anything more than switching times to get the kids, I will let you know I am not talking about this over text. The end. At some point, I AM going to stop letting you get under my skin SO much. It isn’t fair that 5 years later, this is still happening.
Also, I have realized after much conversation with both Paul and my therapist, these things he spews at me about, really aren’t about me. The times that he continues to get real snotty with me, all focus around the same subject. A subject that is extremely sensitive for him and his wife. So, rather than dealing with that themselves, he throws blame at me because it is easier.
Last statement, this is what I wish had happened…I wish that you would call or bring it up the next time we see each other. Give me a chance to explain to you whatever misconstrued events you have in your head. I wish that you would consider, if Paul were right there would you speak to me that way? Lastly, think about the series of events and consider if maybe you are glorifying them in some way in order to have that intense of a reaction.
Well, you know what happened? I failed my homework. My therapist told me that I was too nice. She gave me another sheet, told me to work on it again before next time and this time, give him hell! Bahahaha, so I had focused on something that was currently happening, but she really wanted me to reflect on the events surrounding the cheating. So….back to the drawing board.