One of the lessons that I have been working the hardest on this year is keeping the past in the past. It is also one of the hardest lessons I have had to learn. It is difficult EVERY SINGLE day.
How can I truly enjoy all that is happening in my present life if I am still so stuck in the past?
I can say that internally, I feel like I have been doing much better with this in the last month and the few months before that, then I was even earlier this year. I used to use everything in my past as a reason that I was having a current emotion. Which, it turns out is completely normal. My therapist says, it triggers the same part of your brain, so you have the same time of response.
By constantly dragging my past along with me I was hurting my present and future relationships. Mostly with my husband, but also with family members and friends. Constantly worrying that the same things would happen and thinking that if I changed the avenue I took, it would change a whole course of life. Pointing out if this happens, then I think that this will happen ALL THE TIME.
It is a terrible way to live. I’m so lucky in life right now, our future is so bright and I can see that now because slowly I’m allowing myself to let go of the past. Talking about tomorrow, next month, next year and when we retire makes me so happy. In the here and now, I don’t doubt that all of those things will happen and we will go through them together.
If it weren’t for my past, Paul and I wouldn’t have been a good fit for each other. I needed someone who had been through heartache, to understand the heartache I carried with me. Someone who had children already, to understand what it feels like to go through custody, child support, dropping kids off and picking them up. I needed someone who had already lived a life and so did he.
I’m trying, every day to be in the here and now. Worry less about what happened yesterday and just start fresh. Happy about where I am today and looking forward to this bright, beautiful future I have in store. It is liberating to decide that something isn’t going to bring you down any more. Look at the positives, the strength it gave you and move on!!