#40Notes40Days: Someone Who Hurt You

 

Jess-

I am not sure where to start this letter.

You came into my life as a stranger.  Someone who worked with my husband, who I ran into a couple of times.  A person who I was leary of and warned about from the start.

I am not sure if I was naive, if you were naive or maybe if both of us were.  It took me nearly a year to find out the whole truth about you.  Right after Thanksgiving I received a message telling me that you were involved with my husband.  A message from someone that I didn’t know and when I asked Matt about it, he of course told me it wasn’t true.  Due to the nature of your work, these accusations spread like wildfire and a whole investigation went into effect.  After weeks, it was determined that you didn’t have an inappropriate relationship.

That investigation tarnished your reputation at work and for that I felt sorry.  When I saw you at the Christmas party, I came over and apologized to you.  I gave you a hug and told you that I was sorry that all of this happened.  You told me that it was alright and that you forgave me.

Nothing was ever right in my marriage after that.  8 months of hell.  Matt working late nights, coming up with incredibly ridiculous stories about why he was 2, 3 or 4 hours late. Then around Memorial Day, he got fired from his job.  I thought this meant that you were now out of our lives.  I didn’t find out until about 4 months later that the real reason that he got fired was because he got caught with you.

He found a new job rather quickly, but things were still really bad.  Then in August, I found out that he was in love with you. From that moment on, there has never been a moment of honesty from the two of you about what your relationship was.  Neither of you has “admitted” that your affair is the reason that you both left your job.  Neither of you has ever confirmed to me that you were involved in anyway while I was married to him.  Now though, you are married to him and you are a step-mom to my children.

Though the fact that you moved into my house just a couple weeks after I left is telling. The fact that the way I found out that something was in fact going on, was finding a text on Matt’s phone talking about how much he loved you.

You hurt me in a much different way than Matt did.  There is a sisterhood, a way that women are meant to treat other women, a respect that you should show.  Right after Matt and I broke up you wrote on your Facebook page “I am the exception to the rule.”.  Those words cut me like a knife and whenever I think about them now, I wonder how you ever could have been so proud.

That being said, somehow, someway I got over it.  Maybe seeing you every week for the last 5 1/2 years, maybe the fact that you have grown from a kid into a woman, being just 22 when we first met.  Having nice conversations with you over the phone, to sitting in a doctor’s waiting room with you.  Texting, sharing stories about the kids and making sure that they are treating us both terribly, LOL.

I was talking about you a couple of days ago.  Someone asked me how we did it?  The answer is, I have no idea.  All I know is that it happened.  That somehow, someway we made it work.  We turned this terrible, horrible, hurtful thing into a special kind of friendship.  A friendship where we can call and ask for favors, a friendship where my youngest son adores you and you adore him.

There is no right formula.  You hurt me a lot, but life goes on.

 

40notes40days2014

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12 thoughts on “#40Notes40Days: Someone Who Hurt You

  1. I think moving on from a situation like this requires strength of character and courage, too. To come off such a betrayal and still think good of others, or to show kindness to the ones who have hurt you, shows the kind of remarkable and good hearted person you are. I know when the wound cuts deep how much easier it is to lash out or to seek revenge. It is so much harder to do the right thing, sometimes. I am proud of you.

    As the “other woman” in an affair where I was the one who made contact and who told the truth, it has done so much for my own feelings of shame, disgust, and self-loathing to know that wife treated me kindly…like a person who made a mistake. It was also nice to know the actions and choices of her husband was never blamed on me. Rather, she took it even farther by apologizing for him. I never expected that.

    I think so much can be said about kindness and forgiveness, especially towards those who hurt you. It is one thing to say it and another to practice it on a daily basis.

    I hope she appreciates the fact that she was able to be the “exception” because you of how you behaved and treated her in the end. I hope she has said “thank you” because of that.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. When I first came across your posts for this I skimed over the list and when I saw the note directed to someone who hurt you, I for sure thought you would write the letter to Matt. I was shocked when I saw it addressed to me.
    I read that letter 100 times that day and sobbed every single time. I could feel your pain and read how you truly felt. I’m grateful for our friendship and your forgiveness and I mean it when I say I love you!

    Liked by 1 person

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