About two months ago now, I put together this Guest Post for a Blogger that asked me to. Then, I never heard from them again. So, I decided to use it today!! A little bit about me and my mental health.
Hi, my name is Stephanie. I am a 35 year old wife and mother. I took to blogging regularly about a year ago, when I really decided that I needed to start making time for me. Hence, the name of my blog.
My husband and I are a blended family with 6 children. The 6 children live in 4 different households at any given time. We are constantly coordinating schedules and co-parenting with many others who have their hands in the pot. This can really take its toll.
Nearly 6 years ago now, I found out that my husband was cheating on me. I found out by looking at his phone. Now let me say that this man had been in my life for 25 years. We had been friends since I was 5 years old and had grown up in church together.
I left him. I left him that day and I never looked back. We had a 32 month old and a 15 month old and I knew absolutely beyond a shadow of a doubt that I did NOT want to be married to that man any longer.
Technically we lived together for 2 more months, but we weren’t a couple, we weren’t friends, we barely even spoke. I moved out and navigated through my single life. I learned how to be a single mom and lived as a single mom. I did this for about a year.
Then I fell in love and was married to Paul just 16 months after breaking it off with my ex. Our life together has been amazing. Full of some high highs, but also some low lows. We tried to navigate through the storm of my divorce and my pain from the infidelity together for as long as we could, then we realized I needed help.
Every once in awhile I would get so scared that Paul was going to leave, that I would act out. I would get so angry over nothing, insecure about everything and I was driving a huge wedge into our marriage. With his help and support, I made the terrifying first call to get placed with a therapist.
After over 5 years of trying to resolve the problem on my own and still being broken, I reached out for help. I wanted things to change, I wanted my marriage to stay strong and to last. I don’t want to hold Paul accountable for what my ex did. I no longer want to be worried that shit is going to hit the fan again, just because it had before.
I don’t want those little triggers to send me into a downward spiral that I can’t get out of.
Therapy is only as scary as you let it be. I was diagnosed with “Adjustment Disorder”, pretty much as a PTSD to my ex cheating on me. Every time anything changes, I am pulled back to that feeling of being out of control and insecure. I want to stop doing this. And one step at a time, my therapist is helping me with this.
Talking to her helps me realize that I am not “crazy”. That life happens and you have to deal with it. It is HOW you deal with it that steers your future though. And now my future is on the right track and it will continue to be, as long as I continue to show up to my sessions!!