It has been 3 weeks since I saw my therapist. I was looking forward to it all day yesterday.
I always feel better after an hour with her. Sometimes I have a topic that I “know” we are going to talk about or that I feel like we should talk about, then other times its Russian Roulette.
Like always we started with the, how are things question. I go through my list of things. Family life and the kids. My marriage and Paul. My job and everything else. And I just checked all of those thing off the list yesterday without having any one big hurdle that I felt I needed to focus on.
So, she said well last time you were telling me about your new found friendship with Jess, how is that?
I told her that the last few weeks had gone just as beautifully and open as the first week of our friendship. That we were communicating on a very regular basis and no longer just to talk about the kids. Now we talk about things that the other might like and television shows. Hillary said, WOW, it does sound like you guys are truly forming a great friendship.
Then the question came….how do you think Matt feels about this? I said, now this is all speculation and my observation. I think he must like it because this is the best that Matt and I have been able to get along in 6 years.
Him and I have been capable of more conversation in the last 3 weeks then in the last 3 years. Conversation over text and even about half a dozen in person. Without yelling, shouting, misunderstanding or taking things personally.
Hillary said, Oh Wow, why do you think that is? Hmm…I don’t know, how do I know what it is. Well, that is her job though, to get me to think right? I said well maybe he sees Jess and I getting along and think, if Jess can like Steph and Steph can like Jess, then what is my problem?? She said well that might be part of it. I then said, well maybe he sees the communication flowing well between the rest of us and thinks, Steph and I can’t be the only piece of the puzzle that is broken. Hillary said, I think that is it.
Then we just talked about all the little and big, beautiful moments that have transpired over the last few weeks. Things that made a big impact on me and my heart.
Hillary said, I can tell that you are feeling different. She said your presence is more calm. I haven’t had to slow you down at all during this session, you are just more relaxed. She also pointed out that I was laying with my arms spread out across the back of the couch, instead of crossed over my body like they normally are. I suppose this meant that I was more “open”.
All of that was only the first half of my appointment, though it feels like a good place to leave off. I will write about the second part later.