This post is a direct result of the second half of my Therapy Session yesterday. Read about the first half here.
Anyway, in my therapy session yesterday I told Hillary, my therapist, that I had been sick all weekend. That between Friday morning and Sunday afternoon I had been in bed for like 75% of the time and only ate 2 meals.
Every time I thought I was doing better, I would get up for an hour or so and then feel like I needed to lay right back down. I am pretty sure that I had food poisoning, so it wasn’t that my body hurt or that I had a fever, it was simply that my body didn’t have the energy.
Though, it was the first time, probably since I have had kids that I allowed myself to stay in bed and relax when I wasn’t feeling well. I ALWAYS feel guilty for taking time to rest and recuperate.
I only was responsible for one meal all weekend. Paul and the kids took care of the rest. You know what, the kids were fed. They didn’t starve and they were fine! Paul picked them up from school while I stayed in bed to relax. The kids took their turns in bed with me, holding me, loving me and asking if I was OK.
For the first time in I don’t know how long, I took care of myself and didn’t feel guilty about it. Most of the time the guilt is my own doing. I should be doing this, I should be cooking, spending more time with the kids, get out of my bedroom. The fact is that I am the only person putting the expectations and the guilt on me. Paul and the kids don’t begrudge me for taking a much needed break when I am obviously sick.
So what about you? Do you feel guilty when you relax, take time out or time off? Is the guilt you feel “real” or “imagined”?