Love So Much

Over the weekend I was sitting manning a table at an Early Childhood Conference.  And out of nowhere, a wave of emotions hit my heart.  What?  Why?

Now I don’t even remember exactly what it was that I was thinking about, but I know who and that is my husband, Paul.  I was thinking “God, I really hate that I love him so much.” LOL, now doesn’t that sound like the bitchiest thing ever?

It really isn’t though.  I am a strong, independent, don’t need a man kind of woman.  At least, I think that I still am, but perhaps that has changed.  I used to be that kind of woman!  I used to think that I would be just as good without someone as I am with them.

After 5 years with Paul, I don’t feel like that is true anymore.  Could I make it on my own? Of course I could.  I no longer want to though.

I know that this is the case when I lay in bed next to him and tears flood my eyes from all the joy that I feel.  When sitting on the couch I look at him and when we lock eyes he smiles, winks or shoots me a kiss and still makes me feel like the most important person in the world.  All the little mundane things are better because I get to do them with him right next to me.

I don’t remember feeling THIS before.  Whatever THIS insanely content feeling in my heart is, I haven’t stopped to recognize it before.

Maybe after all this time, 5 years, I am finally accepting that my life is better with him than it could ever be without him.    I love you Paul Christie.  I love you so much, that sometimes I hate it!

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