Over the weekend I was sitting manning a table at an Early Childhood Conference. And out of nowhere, a wave of emotions hit my heart. What? Why?
Now I don’t even remember exactly what it was that I was thinking about, but I know who and that is my husband, Paul. I was thinking “God, I really hate that I love him so much.” LOL, now doesn’t that sound like the bitchiest thing ever?
It really isn’t though. I am a strong, independent, don’t need a man kind of woman. At least, I think that I still am, but perhaps that has changed. I used to be that kind of woman! I used to think that I would be just as good without someone as I am with them.
After 5 years with Paul, I don’t feel like that is true anymore. Could I make it on my own? Of course I could. I no longer want to though.
I know that this is the case when I lay in bed next to him and tears flood my eyes from all the joy that I feel. When sitting on the couch I look at him and when we lock eyes he smiles, winks or shoots me a kiss and still makes me feel like the most important person in the world. All the little mundane things are better because I get to do them with him right next to me.
I don’t remember feeling THIS before. Whatever THIS insanely content feeling in my heart is, I haven’t stopped to recognize it before.
Maybe after all this time, 5 years, I am finally accepting that my life is better with him than it could ever be without him. I love you Paul Christie. I love you so much, that sometimes I hate it!