The Weekend Before

A month or two ago my husband made plans to go out of town this weekend.  He went to the other side of the state to visit his best friend.

Well on Friday while I was getting ready to leave for work and say “good-bye” to him, I had a melt down.  I crawled onto his chest while he was laying in bed and got emotional.  I told him that I was sad and initially I didn’t really know why.  I just said “I am really going to miss you.”  Which was true, but I have been without him for a weekend before and I am just fine, I promise I am not THAT person.

Then I stood up, looked down at him and it hit me like a mack truck.  We weren’t going to be spending the weekend before my birthday together and I felt like I wanted to vomit.  My heart start pounding out of my chest and I said “we shouldn’t make plans to not be together the weekend before my birthday.”  Lucky for me, Paul knew exactly what I was talking about.

He pulled me back to him.  Gave me a huge hug and kisses.  He told me how much he loved me and reassured me that all was going to be just fine.  Paul said “maybe this will be good, we get to the other side and you’ll see that everything is OK.”  I said…”you mean you will be gone for the whole weekend, not leave me on Monday and then I won’t be worried anymore?”

That is exactly what he meant.  Paul meant that he could be gone for the weekend, any weekend really, but specifically the one before my birthday and he would still always come back to me.

6 years ago on a Friday, I set out on the Breast Cancer 3 day walk.  The weekend before my birthday I was gone from the house from Friday morning through Sunday afternoon. The next day, which was also the day before my 30th birthday is when my ex and I broke up.

Those are the ghosts that haunt me.  If I can never have that same series of events happen, I think that I can control if my marriage stays strong or not!  What a ridiculous notion right?

Well…it felt very real in my heart and in my chest on Friday.  While I was bawling my eyes out and having a mini panic attack.  All Paul did was reassure me, tell me he loves me and he held me.  He held me!  He didn’t tell me to stop, he didn’t tell me that I was over reacting, he held me!

Then yesterday, my friend Jess…my ex-husband’s wife posted this…Thank You!!!  You didn’t know that I needed to read this and while it doesn’t exactly speak to the ghosts that haunt me, that was the first thing that I thought of.

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12 thoughts on “The Weekend Before

  1. You don’t find what Jess posted insulting at all? She had an affair with your husband and then posts something about not being bitter. If anyone else had posted it, and you had seen it, I wouldn’t be posting this. But I think it pointedly says that you aren’t allowed to be a bit angry about what they did and how your EX treated you.

    I am not at all suggesting that holding onto the anger is a good thing. It isn’t. But I am struggling with the messenger.

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    1. Well….1. I don’t feel like Jess in any way posted this directed at me 2.If Jess would have told me 6 years ago not to be angry I would have ripped her a new one. However, I know now that being angry and bitter didn’t help anyone in anyway. 3.I love Jess and she loves me.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. If I titled my blog post “This Is For You, Stephanie!” and then put the quote — I would understand where you would think I was being insulting, but I clearly didn’t do that. I don’t understand how you could take such a positive, uplifting post and just find the negative in it.

      Wonderful post, Steph. I’m glad you liked that quote and Happy Birthday Week ❤🎈🎉🎁

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Bitterness only hurts you….the person that you feel it for could give two shits. It’s good that you and this woman who stole your ex have developed a friendship…kudos to you for I could never. I have told my husband that if someone were to come in and break up our home, not only will I make his life a living hell but I will sue her for making mine one. My husband and I lived apart for 3 years due to his job. I think our relationship was better back then for now it is on the verge of destruction. Thanks for linking with #momsterslink.

    Liked by 1 person

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