I had a conversation with a participant in a training yesterday, that was the same as a conversation I had with a parent at a playgroup yesterday and it gave me the idea for this post.
Whatever the reason for it, some of us Moms don’t stay at home. Could be financial, emotional, social or any other various factors. Some Moms choose to have a professional career outside of their home and other feel like they “have” to.
I have been the “stay at home” mom and the “career” mom.
After I had my son James, I went back to nannying a few times a week. James was able to come with me and it was amazing. A few months after that I went back to working at a child care center. Again, James could come with me, so it still worked out really well.
About 4 months after that I found out that I was pregnant with Jordan. After a lot of talk with my ex-husband, we decided that it just didn’t make sense for me to keep working once Jordan came. We would have paid so much in child care costs for both kids, that I would have brought home like $1.00/hr or something like that.
So from December of 2008, about 4 months before Jordan was born until when my ex and I broke up in August of 2010, I was a stay home Mom. I didn’t realize until much later, that I was miserable in that time. I loved being with my kids, but I lost myself some how during that time.
When I was going through my divorce, it forced me to find jobs to support my family. I was working 3 jobs when Paul and I met. Three jobs to put food on the table for my kids, to live in a house of our own and to stay ahead of life and bills.
I realized during that time, working 3 jobs like a crazy person, that I was happier with three jobs outside of the home then I ever was having none.
To support the kind of person that I am and to bring my best self to to the table for my family, I need to work outside the home. I definitely have to for financial reasons as well. Though, if those circumstances were different, I would still choose to work a full-time job.
I like having a space where Stephanie gets to be Stephanie. Not the mom or the wife, but the individual. Where people need me because of my mind, not because of my attitude for giving and taking care of them.
My youngest son goes to day care right now. In the fall he will be headed to Kindergarten. When that time comes, I will rely on the help of before and after school care as well as the support from my Mom who helps a lot when it comes to my kids.
This is what is important to me. This is what works for me. Being able to get outside the house and fuel myself, allows me to be the best wife and mother that I can be for my family.
It isn’t what works for everyone. Some Mom’s feel guilty or are shamed because they choose to be outside the house. To you I say, do what works for you!!! Not all of us are built to stay in the home all day every day.