It has been a little while since I have written a post about Jess and I. For those of you who don’t know Jess at Not The Average Mama is my kids Stepmom, other Mom as I like to call it. No steps in this family!
Anyway, it was a real rough go between Jess and I. For reasons understood between the both of us and that you can read about in previous posts. About a year ago now we were connected through the blogosphere, just as two bloggers writing. Then about 10 months ago we were connected and I knew that it was her that I was reading! That day, that moment was life changing.
The last year has opened up a whole new world for us!! Our communication has been worlds better and we have developed a very deep love for each other that no one else could possibly understand.
Over the last week, I was reminded of this over and over. Last Tuesday our son James wasn’t feeling well, then on Wednesday it was our daughter Jordan, then by that afternoon Jess was out for the count too. Jordan was at my house laying on the couch for most of the day and she spent a couple of hours on my phone texting with Jess! Reading me some of the texts back and forth, but mostly just being happy that she could talk to Jess even when she wasn’t at her house.
Keeping Jess updated on how she felt, then also asking how Jess was feeling. It made both of them feel better I think.
On Saturday Jess’s phone took a dive. She had to go and get a new one. She e-mailed me to let me know! That would never have happened before (or at least I don’t think that it would have, don’t want to put words in your mouth Jess). Jess wanted to let me know that for the time being I could e-mail her if I needed her before she got her new phone.
Upon receiving her new phone, I got this text message!
Two people who used to be in the same room and you couldn’t even tell that they had the same children, now have become lifelines for each other!
Sunday is when the kids go back to Matt and Jess’s house. I dropped them off and a few minutes later Jess text me and said “there is something for you in the bag.” I took a look and this is what I found.
Jess is very into essential oils. She pays attention to what I am doing, going to the gym then headed off to a long day at work. She made a specific “cocktail” of oils that she thought would help me! The best part….not the gift, but the note and the “love you!” at the bottom. That note will stay a part of my life long after the oils are gone.
Last but not least on Monday Jess and I were texting about the kids again. My youngest son Noah was sitting cuddled with me. He knows the contact picture that I have on my phone for Jess. He looked at my phone and knew that I was texting Jess and just said “please tell Jess that I love her”.
The point of this post is to tell you what works. The truth is, I’m not sure what the hell works. I failed for a LONG time!!! For a good 5 years, I didn’t know what worked at all. I was angry, bitter and quite frankly just dwelling on the past. As the years went on though, I realized that the Jess that was currently in my life, wasn’t the same girl who made her debut into it in 2010. More than that, the Stephanie of 2016 wasn’t the same scorned Stephanie from 2010.
What works is empathy. Something that I didn’t realize that I had until the last year. I legit thought that as a human, I wasn’t capable of empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It is possible to teach an old dog new tricks. It is possible to step away from the “roles” we originally fell into (hello me psycho ex-wife over here) and create a new name for yourself. AND, if you are as fortunate as I am that new name can be “life line”.