I am really enjoying my Ten Minute posts. They get my day started on the right foot. Well, in all honestly I must say I have been up for an hour and a half already. Here is what is on my mind though.
I read a book called Oola Balance a few weeks ago. I have been reading a lot so far in 2018. Well, after I finished the book I could sign up for a 21 day Oola Challenge. A way to hold myself accountable to keeping the balance in my life. I get an e-mail every morning and it tells me what my challenge for the day is.
Yesterday, my challenge was to “right a wrong”, reach out to someone and make amends. I wasn’t sure who it was that I should reach out to. I really couldn’t think of someone that I was currently on the outs with that I needed to talk to. However, my ex-husband popped into my head.
As I have been reading all these encouraging, self-discovery, self-growth books this year, I realize that I was a crazy person. Ok, maybe AM a crazy person. I have just reigned it in a little more over the years…I think. I text my ex and said I am doing this balance challenge…blah blah so go with me here.
“I’m doing a life balance challenge and today my challenge was to right a wrong. You pooped into my head. So, please go with me here. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for the months, years of crazy where I was constantly taking all things out on you. I’m sorry for treating you so poorly and excusing it for too long because of our past. I’m really glad that we are where we have come in our communication and relationship. But, I know that I never, gave you the apology you deserved. Thank you for being a part of my life. Hope you have a good day.”
Just a few short minutes later I got a text back from him that said “Thanks, I appreciate that.” It was all that was needed. 7 1/2 years of holding on to that. Then I thought about when I was seeing the therapist a couple years back and she had asked me to write a letter to Matt. Well…I did…needless to say, it wasn’t nice. It was still very accusatory. My therapist never told me not to give it to Matt, but she asked multiple times…”is that what you want to give to him?” It was all just an exercise and there was no letter that I was actually going to give to him.
Yesterday though I realized, I was giving him my letter. But this letter had transformed, had changed, it had matured. I have matured and been able to see things from a different point of view. A point of view that for so many years I had closed myself off to.
The thing is, I am thankful that he was the person who came to mind to “right the wrong with.” We have a lifetime together, though in a completely different way then when we set out on this journey. We still will be in each other’s lives forever. Life is too short. I am only sorry that I couldn’t come to this true realization earlier. But, it is OK…at least I made my way there.