What dream do you have to mourn?

As I go through…I am not certain that there is a dream that I have ever really had that I needed to mourn.  That I needed to accept wasn’t going to come true or be true in the way that I wanted it to.

Dream is such a big word.  Daydreaming about something greatly desired!

Honestly, I think it hurts me more that I am not much of a “dreamer”.  I am a practical, doer.  When I think that I can achieve something, then I do anything that I can to make it happen.

There are currently things that I am dreaming about, hoping will happen in the near future or in my lifetime.  I firmly believe that they will happen.

If you would have asked me this questions 12 or 13 years ago, my answer would have been that I wasn’t married with children yet.  I wanted to be married at 23 and have my first child at 25.  I wanted to have 4 kids and be done by the time I was 35.

Well, I wasn’t ready to get married at that time.  The right man wasn’t around, so it just wasn’t meant to be.  I ended up married at 26!  Had my first baby at 27.  So, it didn’t happen so much after the fact that I had given up on it.  I ended up with 3 biological kids and 3 through marriage by the age of 32.  I never had to “mourn” that dream.

Being married until my dying day.  Being married to the same person for 50+ years.  That is a dream of mine.  When I got divorced at 30, I could have mourned that dream I suppose.  I didn’t though and it didn’t give up or think that there was no way that dream could still happen.  I got remarried at 31, we have been married for 6 years.  It is totally possible that I live until 81 and him until 82, so that we can spend that 50 years together.

Owning my own home.  10 years ago, in my first marriage we bought our first home.  A mere 2 years later, I was moving out and we were getting divorced.  After what felt like forever, working to recover our income, moving up the career ladder and paying off debt for 5 years…it finally paid off.  Paul and I bought our first home almost a year ago now.  That was some hard work, but had I given up, mourned the dream, then we wouldn’t be where we are right now.

I am not much of a “dreamer”, but I am definitely not a person who gives up on the dreams that I have.  Even if they take a little longer than I would have liked or turn out a bit different than expected.

Happy Ash Wednesday, Glory to God!

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Published by Making Time For Me

Wife, Mother, Step Mom, Control Freak. 7 years into my second marriage and dedicated to making my home a chemical free safe haven <3

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