Last night I had a training, so I was driving home about 845.  I was by myself and my body just felt like SHIT.  I found myself reflecting on the recent past and how terrible I have been treating myself.

Earlier in the day yesterday I was walking by a window and looked at my gut and thought, man this is what I looked like when I was like 4 months pregnant.  Then I sucked it back in as much as I could and went about my day.

I don’t remember the last time I did my yoga in the morning, a few months ago I somehow left that by the wayside.  Due to a series of stressful/unfortunate events, I caved and went back to smoking.  Only here and there, not all day, every day…but still.  I am so disappointed in myself.  My husband has been eating low-carb since the beginning of the year and I am pretty sure that I have been eating all the carbs he normally would have.

Most of the time I take pride in the fact that I look the way that I do at 37 years old.  That for the most part I eat everything that I want, I drink some beers and I don’t exercise rigorously.  Yet, somehow I am wearing pants that are just one size up from what I wore when I graduated high-school.  After having 3 babies, I consider that pretty fantastic.

Well, now I still fit into those pants, but more of myself is hanging up and over if you know what I am saying!!  Anyway, last night on my way home I said to myself…this stops.  You have the day off tomorrow, do Yoga in the morning, make it through the day without caving into a cigarette and drink all the water you are supposed to.

About a half an hour ago now, I searched for this little notebook that I could keep in my purse and wrote down the few things that I really wanted to start keeping track of.  When I have to write things down on a list, I tend to hold myself accountable much more.  I stood on the scale and I am so bummed about what I saw, but not surprised at all.  I filled my pill box with all of my vitamins and supplements so that I am already prepared for the week ahead.  Then I read my devotion.

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Today’s devotion was the start of a new topic “Brave Enough to Pursue Healing”, (healing is often a choice.)  My devotion book that I am currently reading is 100 Days to Brave by Annie F. Downs.  Anyway, Day Sixty-Nine—> God’s Purpose For Your Body.  Talking about how to love yourself even if your shape and size is a bit different then you wish it would be.  “God has a purpose for your body- with all its imperfections and sicknesses.”

The charge for today is “We are going all in for the next few days on your health.  Why?  Because only a working body can be a brave body.”  God knew that this was the page that I needed to land on today.  To keep coming back to, to remind myself that I am making better choices now.  That is something that I have to do.  When my body is working better, I am just better and more brave!!  Here’s to the next few days, which will turn into weeks and months.

My actions need to start showing what I treasure again.  I treasure my health so much and before I fall down the rabbit hole any further, I need to prove that again.  I can see the light still at the top of the tunnel, so I am ready to dig my way out!

 

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Published by Making Time For Me

Wife, Mother, Step Mom, Control Freak. 7 years into my second marriage and dedicated to making my home a chemical free safe haven <3

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