Yesterday was our weeknight at church. Every week we go to church on Wednesdays for dinner, then the kids have activities. We are there for a couple of hours.
Church is my home away from home. I’ve been going to the same church my entire life. My best friends in the world go there, my ex husband and I grew up there together, Paul and I got married there and I’ve been blessed to have 2 different jobs there in my life.
On the Wednesday’s that I’m really lucky, one if not both of my best friends might be in attendance. Always a bonus when I get to hug them, chat with them and love on them. Last night was one of these rare occasions, the Reverend was there for dinner.
The younger of my 2 besties is one of my very favorite people in the whole world. She became a mom last December. So, life now finds us talking about all kinds of parenting things, choices and challenges.
Nearly every time I come out looking more “relaxed” and her more “high maintenance”…. which are words that no one would ever really use to describe us!!
The thing is I’m 11 years and 6 kids into this gig. 6 kids in 4 different households. Going to many different types of schools, involved in different activities, at various academic levels.
There was a time where I thought about, worried about or over analyzed every last thing… about 10 years and 5 kids ago. My oldest 2 biological children are only 17 months apart. Needless to say once Jordan came along, I realized real quickly I couldn’t devote all the time and energy to worrying about everything for 2 kids, I’d drive myself crazy.
Then only 16 months after she was born, their Dad and I broke up. So again, I couldn’t worry about everything for the 2 kids. After all, they were only in my house part of the time now, I couldn’t control what they were or weren’t doing with their Dad. So, if I constantly allowed myself to think of all that could happen, well I would’ve never slept and would’ve probably needed some meds.
Another 16 months after that, I added 3 more kids to my family. Children that are in my house every other weekend. Sure their other households may do differently then we do, but I can’t get hung up on that. I can’t control it. Like I said, I would literally never fall asleep at night if I allowed myself to think about all that I can’t control.
10 months after that, we added our youngest. Who we realized very quickly wasn’t going to be easy to control even though he was in our house 100% of the time. LOL!!
I am a control freak. It took a lot of therapy to really realize that I need to relinquish some of that control in order to enjoy my life.
Moral is, our parenting looks different now. Maybe mine more closely resembled yours 10 years ago, maybe yours will more resemble mine 10 years from now. Perhaps, we will always look at it differently and you know what, that’s ok.
There isn’t one right way. I always say if my kids are happy and healthy then I’m doing something right. There are many ways to get there!