Loud Mouth Girl #40in2020

No one has ever accused me of not saying enough.  As long as I can remember I have been the chatty individual in every situation. Getting the codes on my report card for “disruptive in class”.  That was teacher speak for never stops talking.

My talkative nature has served me well in many situations.  Being a public speaker, teaching toddlers, grownups and everything in between.  Getting others to come out of their shell.  Talking to the more quiet people at social gatherings, family holidays and church functions.

Silence makes me anxious.  I can only stay at a library so long because I don’t think it is natural to be at a place where I can’t talk.  LOL.

I was born with a bit of a hearing deficiency. It is something that I have lived with my whole life, so I am used to it.  I talk to loud in all circumstances, as I don’t hear myself as loudly as everyone else does. Sometimes it is embarrassing for people and for that I am forever sorry.

I really try to tone down my volume when I notice it, but it eventually creeps back up again.  When I honestly believe I am speaking at a normal volume, it still is too loud and intense for a lot of people.  Just because I don’t mean it, doesn’t mean that I am still not responsible for it.

Something that others may get away with because it comes out more discrete, I can not as it is anything but quiet coming out of my mouth.  This can lead to hurt feelings and awkward situations.  I really need to be more mindful at nearly 40 years old that sometimes there are things that don’t need to be said.  Both because they aren’t going to help anyone and because my delivery is going to be too intense.

I am very talkative and also loud.  This is a dangerous combination.  Sometimes funny and humorous, other times humiliating and hurtful. So much of what I say comes out with an intensity that can be perceived as bullying and aggressive.  This is not how I want to be perceived.

Over the last couple of days I have taken time for some introspective.  Thinking about the whats and the whys.  It isn’t easy to change behavior, especially when you aren’t even really sure how to start.  How I make people feel is very important to me.  I need work harder so that is being reflected in how I speak to them and around them.

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Published by Making Time For Me

Wife, Mother, Step Mom, Control Freak. 7 years into my second marriage and dedicated to making my home a chemical free safe haven <3

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