I feel a deep dark sadness. A sadness I believe that I would have felt no matter what. Though, is ultimately amplified by this pandemic.
An overwhelming feeling of loneliness that has been washed over me for 3 months now. It is now worsened by the grief that I feel for the community. A community that I am a part of, even if I do not believe I myself have sinned.
What difference does it make if I haven’t taken a strong stance on the other side? Our city, the city that I grew up in and then moved back to raise my family in is known for being racist.
I literally never knew that and I feel sorrow for that. I didn’t know, because that is a privilege that I have. It makes me sick to my stomach.
Deep down I believe that my community is good. I believe the majority of all people are good. That more often than not, the 10% give the rest of us a bad name.
Though I myself may not have sinned. Being a part of a larger community that builds walls and barriers, makes me guilty. I pray that this is the start of something greater and something more meaningful. A movement of recognition. Saying, I see you and you matter.