Back to Therapy #40in2020

Almost 5 years ago now, I went to therapy for the first time. I was self destructing and I needed some help. After some guidance from my husband, I decided to take the leap. This continued for over a year until we moved. Everything felt much better and I didn’t seek out a new therapist.

Fast forward to the pandemic. Stay at home orders, being out of a job, home with the kids all day every day and trying to piece together 3 months of a school year so that my children don’t fall behind. All day, every day me and my youngest son are together.

I crave social interactions. I love talking with others, I love seeing people smile and I love giving hugs. I am really struggling without these things.

Now, talk about all of the things that have had to be canceled, postponed or heavily readjusted due to the pandemic and varying rules. Trying to make everyone happy, when you are a blended family that is planning a graduation. Being a part of it, without feeling like you are putting a damper on the entire situation. Making a plan that is inclusive, not exclusive.

Anyway, I can see my anxiety getting out of control. When I am just standing in the living room talking to my husband and my heart feels like it is going to fly out of my chest, that is a big clue. I am not even in the moment that is giving me the anxiety and I feel flush and tense.

After too many moments like that, I decided to do some therapy research on Monday. It is probably time for me to get back to it. I had heard a lot about online therapy since the pandemic started. This seemed like a good place to start. Being that I am, like I mentioned before, with my youngest all day every day. So, making an appointment and getting out of the house would prove quite difficult right now.

I landed on a site that sounded good, with a fee that seemed reasonable. I filled out all my intake forms and it said I would be matched with a provider based off of my answers. Communication started pretty instantly. I can message 24/7. The sessions can be done via video chat, phone call or live chat. So, whatever your situation you can make reasonable accommodations to make one of these fit into your life.

I had my first session yesterday and it went really well. We wrote out some goals, wrote down some triggers and how those manifest in me and I was given homework for our next session. I will be meeting with him again next Tuesday.

I love talking to my husband about everything. Though, I sit in my house all day waiting to talk to an adult. When he is out in the world at work every day. Bombarding him with all of my stuff that I have been thinking about when he arrives home, is probably a bit too much. Not that he doesn’t want to help. Just that he needs some time to decompress, while I am looking to him because he is the only grown up that I get to see everyday.

Now, I have a therapist again. Someone else that can help me right now when I have thoughts that need navigating. The goal is to “figure out how others can help me without feeling like they can’t win.” We will get there!