I wrote this a couple weeks ago, closed the computer and never published. I’m ready now!
I was watching “One Night Only Adele” yesterday. As usual, her songs hit me right in all the feels. Being able to see her feelings, her chatting with Oprah about her life and also the way that I think the words reflect my own feelings.
It seems like only yesterday I wrote this blog post Hello from the Outside! Not only was it not yesterday, it was nearly exactly 6 years ago. 6 years ago, I wrote about listening to Adele’s song Hello over and over and over again. Listening to it and hearing it as words being sung to her former self. Words being said to my former self. Lyrics that I wish I could shake myself to hear and really sit with and be OK with.
Hello breaks my heart every time I hear it and of course it was the song that Adele opened up with. I sang along and got tears in my eyes, just like I do every single time I hear it. When I need to reflect, need someone to blame, need to remind myself that life is so good….I listen to this song. I listen to this song and think about each and every choice that I made. The choices that I made to get myself here and the choices that I make to stay stuck.
I am 41 and really no better at loving myself then I was at 11 or 25. Now, don’t get me wrong….I think pretty highly of myself! #sorrynotsorry
I just mean, that I beat myself up over the what ifs and the should haves more than necessary. I need to remember that the both of us are running out of time. My former self and the me I am today. We don’t have time for all the bullshit. When I am being mindful, I know that. I am in the present working on the me of now, not trying to figure out what I could have done differently before.
Stephanie, leave the past in the past. You did what you could and that is much more than most could have done. You love, you help, you care and you keep on keepin on every single day.