Blocked on Social Media

I know that many of the people here, who read this blog and share their blogs are from different places other than the United States, let alone Michigan.  Here in Michigan we have been in a stay at home order for like 8.5 weeks, but today marks 10 weeks since the schools closed.  10 weeks ago today was the last day that my children had some semblance of what a “normal” day looks like for them.

Anyhow, over the last couple of months my social media feed has been full of people who agree or are against and fall anywhere in between.  News flash, that is OK!!  What you do with your time, your body and your family…is up to you.  Just don’t get mad at me if I choose to stay away from it. Not a single person knows what the right thing to do is, we are all just guessing.  The grand idea is that if it works, we will never know that it did work.  So then the people against will say “see that wasn’t so bad”!  It is all a giant cluster, if you know what I mean.

As I get older, I appreciate opposing opinions more.  There is something to learn, to gain from them.  What has become important to me in my life at nearly 40 is much different than what it was at 20 and probably what it will be at 60.  I accept that, even if sometimes it leaves me scratching my head, I accept it.  If I didn’t accept it, I would never be able to be in the same room with so many people that I love so very much.

I have ideas and points that I try to make and sometimes social media is the platform on which I do it.  I try not to be too polarizing though.  I try not to ever say, “here is what I think and if you don’t think like me you are obviously wrong and a loser.”  I stop myself before sharing articles that I am afraid are just half truths and I also try to read multiple articles about the same story, from different sources so that I may get a better idea of what the “real story” is.

There is someone on my Facebook with whom I was friends with for years, but unfollowed after just a couple of months..  This “friend” is one of my husband’s family members.  So accepting the friendship was a courtesy, but after seeing what she posts, I knew that it was not going to fuel me in any type of positive way.  When something happens that I “need” to know, my husband enlightens me.

Well, I have been a glutton for punishment the last few weeks.  I have been going onto her profile daily to see what nonsense she posts.  I say “nonsense” because it is typically from an unverified source, a site or channel that no one has ever even heard of and when googled can not be found.  The biggest issue is, that she keeps saying how people who don’t feel like her are “sheep”.  That your faith in the Lord must not be strong enough, if you don’t believe that he will just keep you from this virus.  So therefore, you shouldn’t have to wear a mask, practice social distancing or follow these executive orders if you are Christian enough.

For weeks this has been making my blood boil, making my heart sad.  How could someone, anyone think this?  How could they think it so strongly that they post about it nonstop and go live professing the same attitude.

Well, last night she took all of the posts to a whole new level.  An article from 3 years ago (which I imagine she didn’t even bother to notice) about our president.  Her comment to go with it said “…thank you for caring for our children. You are the only president who has.”  I am sorry, WHAT????  I didn’t even have to go into the damn article to call HORSE SHIT!  Nothing against Trump, not at all, I believe that he cares about our children just fine.  However, he is at the end of a line of presidents who also have cared about our children.  *You know America, full of presidents who hate kids!! WTF

I almost vomited, right there on our couch.  My husband could tell by my reaction that I was looking at the same thing that he was.  Now, even though he will read and make some type of joke to me about the posts, he very rarely gets involved.  Well, this was enough.  He posts an article that was stating the opposite of hers, when I went in to read it, it had been deleted.  WITHIN seconds!

Then he posted again, again deleted.  While he was trying to post for the 3rd time, another person also posted a position similar to that of my husband’s.  Not only were both of those posts deleted, but then he was blocked!  The next time he went to comment, she was nowhere to be found.  Not on mind either, we had been blocked.  Blocked for having a different opinion, blocked for challenging, blocked for not becoming one of her “sheep.”

It is terrible to become a sheep of the media and certainly of the democratic party, but becoming one of her sheep well, now that is the only acceptable way to live!

I love my God.  I have faith in my God.  I am not living in fear, but in hope.  Hope that if I do what I can to help the greater good, we will be through this to the other side sooner rather than later.  I don’t want to stand on an ivory tower stating that my way is the only way, for that is much too high to fall from.

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My Bible Time #40in2020

I read the bible every single day.  This has not always been the case for me, but has been in 2020.  The bible has forever been a part of my life, I have had at least one (closer to 10) in my home and on my bookshelf.  I follow along with scripture while I am sitting in church.  There have been a few times over the years that I have tried to start “reading the bible in a year.”  Following along with a game plan laid out in the first few pages of my bible.  Each time though, it has fell by the way side quickly.

Anyhow, on January 1st of this year I decided to start “The One Year Bible” plan on my Bible App.  It is the very first thing that I do every morning.  I start my day out this way to ground me, to inspire me and to remind me.  I read the verses that are assigned to me for the day, while thinking about how they might apply to me and the world around me.  Taking the seeds and words that I need for that day.  Fairly regularly I find a verse that I really feel and create an image out of it, then share it, in case there is anyone else who needs those same words for their day.

I am a planner.  So, every single day I start out with a plan of what my day is supposed to look like.  It is when those plans go off course, that I start to have a difficult day.  Tuesday’s are the only day that we schedule to go out of the house each week, I think maybe that is what makes Tuesday’s the toughest day in this quarantine.  You would think that I would be able to remember by now that when my plans go off course, it is because they weren’t God’s plans.

Sometimes our plans are the same.  Other times, he knows what is better and even if I can’t see it through my frustration at the time, I need to believe that is the case.   So, here’s to Tuesday!  Here is to purpose that the Lord has for me ❤

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Less Than 3 Months #40in2020

3 months from yesterday is my 40th birthday!  I have been thinking about it A LOT over the last couple of months.

Have I accomplished what I thought that I would by the time I am 40?  What do I still want to do over the next 90 days?  Do I have my priorities in order?  Am I saying “Yes” to too much and “No” to the wrong things?

I just finished a great book by Jen Hatmaker called “Fierce free and full of fire, the guide to being glorious you.”  It was a book that made me start thinking if I am using my gifts from God in the correct ways.  Not just the “right” ways for God, but also for myself.

At the very end of the book she charges her reader to create a Manifesto!  A manifesto of twelve statements, that encompass the five categories that have been gone over in the book.  This is who I am, This is what I need, This is what I want, This is what I believe and this is How I connect.  This seems like something that I need to put together for my birthday.  Asking myself all those I questions and getting some deep answers to them.

I know this, I am super proud of who I am.  I mess up, I mess up ALL THE TIME.  My heart is good and pure though.  It is full and giving, it feels pain and love in very overwhelming ways.  I have worked hard for the first 40 years of my life, but now it is time to think about how I want to start the next 40 years!

 

Yesterday Pt 2

A couple of years ago I wrote this post… Yesterday

Well this is the same story, only it happened again.  My husband says that it isn’t the same.  Tell that to my heart because it sure feels the same.

8 weeks ago we picked up a foster pup from a shelter.  We didn’t know anything about her, but we knew that we needed to help.  This beautiful brindle mutt was brought out to us and we fell in love immediately.  That is what happens for me, James, Jordan and Noah.  We give our hearts over to something until they do us wrong.

This week, after 8 weeks of living together the aggressive play between the foster pup and our resident dog increased.  Then on Thursday evening the foster pup took it a step to far in our 7 year old’s bedroom, trying to bite our resident pup.  With sounds that I am not sure I will ever get over my head.  Sounds of the dogs snarling and the kids screaming.

We knew then that this beautiful little girl couldn’t stay with us any longer.  Yesterday morning we went back to the shelter to drop her off.  There is an emptiness in our hearts, there is a big open space in our laundry room where her crate sat and empty space on the couch or our laps where she would have been curled up.

It was very hard to say goodbye.  She was lovely, beautiful and an loved to snuggle.   I know that we loved her as well as we could for 8 weeks.  Our family prepared her to be loved by another family (perhaps one without another dog).  The right family for her wasn’t available to go rescue her 8 weeks ago, but they will be now.  This is what I have to tell myself so that my heart isn’t so sad.

 

96 days until #40in2020

Mother’s Day was just a few days ago.  I suppose most of us are aware of that.  This year for Mother’s Day I received a couple of gifts that were inspired by Bible verses!

The featured image of this post is actually the picture of the back of my t-shirt.  My husband and I my kids bought me this shirt.  I don’t know if it was because of the pandemic or if my husband went in knowing that he wanted to get me something inspirational.  Either way, I am beyond happy with this beautiful mint green t-shirt.  “Let all that you do be in done in LOVE.”  A whole line of apparel by Blessed Girl.  I almost can’t wait to get out and go shopping so I can see what else is available.

The second bible inspired gift I received was this sign.

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This sign came from my friend Jess.  Jess is my kids’ stepmom.  Yesterday when James and Jordan came back from their Dad’s house they had this in tow.  How beautiful.  It matches our family room perfectly and looks amazing up on the wall.  I am honored that Jess decided that she wanted to give me a gift.  Even more so, that she said “I saw it and thought of you”.  A statement piece with a bible verse on it, made her think of me.

I do wrong, I do wrong a lot.  My patience wears thin, I snip and I snap.  Grace is something that I am working on, but I still have a long way to go.  Every morning though, I start my day with the Bible App.  I am reading through the entire bible in a year.  Something that I have always wanted to do and in 2020 I am making it a reality.  At any given time I am doing 2 or 3 bible plans.  The first thing I do in the morning is read all of my verses, this is what I need to get my day started on the right foot.

It makes me proud that people around me know how important the words of the bible are to me.  I like to think that I let people know about this in such a way that does not make them feel like I am doing something better than they are.  That isn’t “this is the way you should think”.  I just want people to know that these words get me through, that they inspire me to be a better person.  I am not afraid to be public about my love for God and the Bible, but I am also not worried if you feel the same.  Just as long as you respect me and my views, I will surely listen to you and yours.

Tuesday’s are the worst

I hadn’t noticed it before the stay at home order, but since it started, Tuesday’s seem to be the hardest day of the week.  Yesterday, was no different.  For some reason our emotions are always higher on Tuesday’s, but we look for the good.

We always get out of the house on Tuesday’s for an errand.  Typically we leave about 10:30.  Well yesterday, I went to go clean up dog poop in the backyard and when I went to go get the stuff from the garage, my hammock that I had been waiting for was on the front porch.  Instead of going right to clean up the dog poop, my youngest and I went to put together the hammock.

We have had the stand for a few years now, but ordered a new swing itself.  After measuring the old bars last week end scouring the internet, I finally found one that would both fit and match our backyard furnishings.  Well, after searing the the S hooks I was certain that I had, the hammock was about a foot too short to hook into the bars!  UGH!  So, I searched amazon and found some sort of extender thing that looked like it would work and even better, it would actually arrive Wednesday (today), so I wouldn’t have to wait long.

After being disappointed that I couldn’t get the hammock together, yet I had tidied up the garage in the process of looking for the S hooks, I cleaned up the dog poop.  Then I came in the house to prepare to leave for our errand.  We had about 15 minutes until we had to leave.  We go to put the dogs in their crates and our younger dog is missing her collar.  We run around the house looking for the collar, inside and outside.  Well, my 7 year old had pulled it off and set it on a cabinet.  UGH!  I text my husband and said “F***ing Tuesday’s.”

Finally we get in the car and we get going.  After our errand we come home to eat lunch.  While relaxing, I decide that I am going to go back out and look at the hammock.  The hammock had some with extra hooks to put it into a tree if need be.  I wanted to look to see if I could configure those hooks to work with the stand.  Well, low and behold, I did.  Then Noah came outside and relaxed on the hammock, a win for the day!  Of course, after I had already ordered the $20 extender from Amazon and it was too late to cancel it.

Noah and I went for another drive in the afternoon.  We need to get out of the house, to break up the monotony of being home ALL THE TIME.  While we were out, the low tire pressure light came on and sure enough after we got on the expressway to head home, the car started making crazy noise and we had a flat tire. UGH! On the side of the expressway we sat for an hour waiting for roadside assistance to get to us and change the flat.  Noah was anxious the whole time we were on the side of the road.  Worried that no one would come and help us.

We spent our hour chatting on the phone with both his Dad and his Papa, who were helping to calm him.  I stayed calm, but I don’t offer much of a calming influence.  I told my husband that I would not be cooking dinner, so Noah got to choose Taco Bell.  By 6pm, we were home safe and sound.  Sitting together, eating dinner and relaxing for the evening.  Ready to put Tuesday to rest.

I know that I am beyond lucky.  We are all safe and healthy.  I have a hammock, so the fact that it didn’t fit (first world problems).  Our car is new enough that I still have roadside assistance to call when a problem arises.  We have enough money in our bank account to cover the hammock extender, a new tire and taco bell.  Just for whatever reason, Tuesday’s are a hard day for us!

It is 2020 people!!!!

Last night my husband and I stood in the kitchen and talked as I was preparing dinner.  Then again while we were tidying up from dinner.  A conversation that was making my heart ache.  How could someone the on the outside seemed so much like me, think something so different?  Believe that this behavior was OK?  Not just believe it, but post about it, regulary!!!

I don’t always agree with people and I am OK with that.  There are people that I am friends with on social media whom I have unfollowed, so that their energy doesn’t show up on my feed.  This is for my benefit, so that I don’t get myself all riled up.  Having a difference of opinion is amazing and can even be beneficial.  Ignorance on the other hand, I have no tolerance for.

It is 2020 and I am nearly 40 years old.  I have an opinion, I do not stand idly by while my husband tells me which way to think.  In addition to that, I do not allow media to tell me how to think or news either.  My head and my heart lead me.  My morals and my ethics, guide me to what is right.  I am 100% OK with questioning something, with asking people I am close to and even looking for the devils advocate responses.

I wasn’t raised to keep my mouth shut.  Perhaps to close it a little bit more than I do, but certainly not to stay quiet.  It causes friction, my husband and I probably get into many more disagreements because of it.  I refuse to just believe something simply because someone else tells me to.  I ask clarifying questions and I push back!

My family and friends are the most important to me.  I make decisions based off the greater good, not simply for myself in the little convenient box that I could choose to live in because it would be easier.

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Countdown to 40 #40in2020

While I was on the yoga mat today I started counting the days until I turn 40.  In quarantine, I have lost my focus on my health.  That being said, it hasn’t gotten too out of control.   I haven’t undone in 2 months the work that I did in the first 2 months and that is saying A LOT!!!

So, I was thinking how much time do I have until I am 40.  Turns out, it is 98 days from today.  As of right now, I have done yoga a couple times a week on most weeks.  Before stay at home, I was doing it every single morning.  I was hitting the gym 3, 4 or 5 days a week in the first 10 weeks of the year.  The walking game with the kids and the dogs isn’t quite the workout I was getting before. The beer and carb consumption on quarantine has gone up from the standard, leading to a bit of bloating in the midsection.

I want to get back on track, as I have goals for the 40th.  Paul and I have decided that we are scaling back over the next 2 weeks and then will allow ourselves some concessions Memorial day weekend.  My focus for the next 11 days is to get back to where I was March 12th.  I can make it there and then keep working toward my goal for August 17th.

98 day countdown ❤ ❤ ❤

Endure & Let Go

I am a huge Survivor fan.  As I sit here and watch the latest episode, I am thinking about what we are currently going through here in Michigan.  One of the participants said that she needs 2 tattoos.  One on the left arm that says endure and one on the right that says let go.  Endure and Let Go, so that she can remember that both are OK.

In this pandemic, this stay at home order, this time of shaking mental stability and uncertainty, I want to remember that it is both OK to endure and to let go.  Keep taking on the day to day.  Pushing hard to accomplish what needs to be done.  Making meals, homeschooling, doing laundry, getting fresh air and exercise, while making sure to check in regularly with all those that are important to me.

Let go of all the craziness.  The idea that I know better than someone else.  The notion that anyone knows for certain what is right and what is wrong.  Let go of people who post negligent information on social media.  Take a deep breath when I feel that someone else’s post is saying something about me and who I am.

I have a hard time relinquishing control.  I turn into a crazy when I feel like my life is out of control.  I over compensate and try to then control all of the little things in the day to day making not just myself miserable, but all of those around me as well.

Yesterday I listened to a podcast by Brene Brown.  First off the podcast is called “Unlocking Us.” The episode was from April 3rd called Anxiety, Calm + Over/Under-Functioning.  When it comes to my anxiety, the way that I deal with it is to over function.  I do too much, I keep my mind busy and try to have my hand on everything to bring myself a sense of control.

It can be said that I do this because I am the oldest child in my family.  It can be because I have made my way through a traumatic situation and the only option I felt that I had was to over function.  I think that the reason why I do it is because I don’t like to leave what happens in my life up to anyone but me.  I don’t like to sit on the sidelines and watch my life pass me by.

The best thing that I can do during this time where my anxiety is likely to get out of control is to endure and let go.  Keep moving through it. Keep getting up out of bed and drinking my cup of coffee.  Keep telling my kids that I love them, hugging them when I can and making them feel safe.  Continue to celebrate the little moments and enjoy the memories we are making that wouldn’t otherwise be made.

As an anxious person who is most comfortable when I over function, I am going to work harder to endure and let go!!

Loud Mouth Girl #40in2020

No one has ever accused me of not saying enough.  As long as I can remember I have been the chatty individual in every situation. Getting the codes on my report card for “disruptive in class”.  That was teacher speak for never stops talking.

My talkative nature has served me well in many situations.  Being a public speaker, teaching toddlers, grownups and everything in between.  Getting others to come out of their shell.  Talking to the more quiet people at social gatherings, family holidays and church functions.

Silence makes me anxious.  I can only stay at a library so long because I don’t think it is natural to be at a place where I can’t talk.  LOL.

I was born with a bit of a hearing deficiency. It is something that I have lived with my whole life, so I am used to it.  I talk to loud in all circumstances, as I don’t hear myself as loudly as everyone else does. Sometimes it is embarrassing for people and for that I am forever sorry.

I really try to tone down my volume when I notice it, but it eventually creeps back up again.  When I honestly believe I am speaking at a normal volume, it still is too loud and intense for a lot of people.  Just because I don’t mean it, doesn’t mean that I am still not responsible for it.

Something that others may get away with because it comes out more discrete, I can not as it is anything but quiet coming out of my mouth.  This can lead to hurt feelings and awkward situations.  I really need to be more mindful at nearly 40 years old that sometimes there are things that don’t need to be said.  Both because they aren’t going to help anyone and because my delivery is going to be too intense.

I am very talkative and also loud.  This is a dangerous combination.  Sometimes funny and humorous, other times humiliating and hurtful. So much of what I say comes out with an intensity that can be perceived as bullying and aggressive.  This is not how I want to be perceived.

Over the last couple of days I have taken time for some introspective.  Thinking about the whats and the whys.  It isn’t easy to change behavior, especially when you aren’t even really sure how to start.  How I make people feel is very important to me.  I need work harder so that is being reflected in how I speak to them and around them.

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